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Someone Who’ll Do You Good All of Your Days

Have you ever gone out with another couple and the other guy’s date starts making sarcastic comments about him, criticizing him, and cutting him down in front of you and your date?

It’s not a pretty sight. It’s awkward and does not make for a fun evening.  

You can be sure if she constantly treats him like that while they’re dating, then if they ever get married, she will continue treating him that way.  

Bottom line, it shows lack of respect, esteem, and honor. Guys, that’s not the kind of woman you want to marry. You don’t want to take someone like that to a Fourth of July picnic, only to have her start cutting you down in front of all your friends. You want to marry someone who’ll respect you and show you honor in front of others.  

You want to marry someone you can trust, believe in, and rely on, and who’ll respect and honor you. Someone who’ll be an encourager, a comforter, and who’ll do you only good and not evil all the days of your life. The Bible says that kind of woman is “far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls” (Proverbs 31:10 AMPC). 

The Take Away:

Take note of how the woman you’re dating treats you in front of others. Does she respect you and speak highly of you to others? Or, does she criticize and humiliate you in front of your peers? She may call it “joking around” and doesn’t realize it’s disrespectful and doesn’t promote a healthy relationship. 

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More Than Just a Pretty Face

When looking for a spouse, a few questions that you might want to have high on the list are: Does she have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?

Does she go to church? Does she read the Bible on her own and not just when she’s at church? Does she value the power of prayer?  

Proverbs talks about charm being deceptive and beauty not lasting, but “a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30 NIV). In other words, is the woman you’re considering marrying as attractive on the inside as she may be on the outside? Are there fruit of the spirit evident in her life—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control? (ref. Galatians 5:22-23) 

First Peter chapter three talks about how beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. But it should be that of a woman’s inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight (1 Peter 3:3-4 NLT). There’s no doubt that the outward appearance is important, and you need to be attracted to the person you marry, but God says what is on the inside is incredibly valuable to Him and is to be praised and honored.  

Men, a woman who has a solid relationship with God and possesses a spiritual strength that manifests in a gentle and quiet spirit is the type of woman who will be a big asset to you and help you become all God wants you to be.  

The Take Away:

Take time to really get to know the person you’re going to marry. Make sure they’re more than just a pretty face and that they have a true relationship with God and an inner beauty that reflects the fruit of the spirit. 

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Managing the Home

When making a list of what to look for in the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, an important quality to consider might be how well does she keep and manage her home? 

In our society, women who aren’t employed outside of the home and who are strictly homemakers are sometimes devalued, and the role of taking care of the home is downplayed. However, Titus 2:5 (KJV) lists one of the qualifications of mature women as being “keepers at home.” In other words, they k now how to manage and keep up their homes and families.  

As you’re looking for a potential spouse, you might want to find out if she keeps her home organized and maintained. Is it a place that is peaceful, relaxing, cheerful, and attractive? Or is it cluttered, unclean, and uninviting? These things may not be important to some men, but if they are to you and you’re looking for a wife who’s a good homemaker, then these are some practical, common sense things you might want to think about. 

The Take Away:

Is having a well-run, well-cared for, attractive, peaceful home important to you? What type of home atmosphere do you desire to have?  Would you rather marry someone whose desire is to strictly be a stay-at-home mom and homemaker, versus someone who is career-minded? These are questions that would be good discussion with someone you may be considering as your future wife. 

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Can She Control Her Tongue?

The Word of God has a lot to say about what to look for in a wife.

First Timothy chapter three gives some specific characteristics of a leader’s wife and says, “[The] women likewise must be worthy of respect and serious, not gossipers, but temperate and self-controlled, [thoroughly] trustworthy in all things” (1 Timothy 3:11 AMPC).  

This is a good checklist for any man to have who’s considering getting married. Also, make sure that the person you marry is someone who is able to control their tongue. It’ll make a big difference in your marriage. The Bible talks about how a perfect man [or woman] is a peaceful man [or woman] (Psalm 37:37 KJV, brackets inserted by author). And then it goes on to say that a perfect man or woman is somebody who is able to control their tongue. They don’t offend anyone with their speech or say the wrong things. If they’re able to control their tongue, then they’re able to control their whole body because the tongue is the hardest thing to control (ref. James 3:2 AMPC).  

So, when you’re considering what type of woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want to consider someone who is able to control their tongue and doesn’t just say everything that hits their brain. Having self-control and not being a gossip are great qualities to look for in a spouse.  

The Take Away:

Take notice of the words spoken by the person you’re dating. Are they words that encourage and bring life and healing, or are they words of complaining, strife, and gossip? Death and life are in the power of the tongue, so you might want to take notice of what that person’s words are producing.  

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Respects the Husband’s Role

When it comes to understanding marriage, the roles of a husband and wife, and how this relationship is supposed to work, the best place to go for some wisdom is the Bible.

God has some specific things to say about these areas, and so it’s best to have God’s Word as our foundation in every area of our lives, especially our marriage. 

When it comes to understanding marriage, the roles of a husband and wife, and how this relationship is supposed to work, the best place to go for some wisdom is the Bible. God has some specific things to say about these areas, and so it’s best to have God’s Word as our foundation in every area of our lives, especially our marriage. 

So, how is this marriage relationship supposed to work? What are the roles of the husband and wife?  

In Ephesians 6:21-24, Paul gives instructions to couples by first of all saying they need to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. In other words, the husband isn’t supposed to be a dictator over the wife, and the wife isn’t supposed to try to rule over her husband. They’re supposed to work in harmony and unity out of reverence to Jesus. 

Then Paul goes on and talks about the role of the wife. She is to be submitted to her own husband, recognizing him as the leader in the relationship. She’s not supposed to be arrogant or try to usurp her husband’s authority as he’s trying to lead. She’s to submit to him, respect him, and support him. 

So men, it’s important that you take the responsibility of being the head of the home and leading your family. If you’re fulfilling your role, then it’ll be easier for your wife to fulfill hers and be your number one supporter! 

The Take away:

Does the woman you’re dating always want to take charge of every decision before you even have a chance to speak? Or does she defer to you, so that you can operate as the leader? Does she respect you and your opinions even though she may not agree with them? These are just a couple of traits to look for in a potential wife. 

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A Good and Perfect Gift

When it comes to choosing the right spouse, you might think you know the type of person you want to marry, but God knows what type of person will fit you the best.

He made you, and He knows you better than you know yourself. He knows your strengths and weaknesses, and so He knows the type of person that will not only compliment you, but you will compliment them.  

If you will follow God’s advice and the leading of the Holy Spirit when you’re dating, He’ll hook you up with someone who will surpass your expectations in every area. So guys, don’t be afraid and think that following God’s will concerning your future spouse means you’re going to have to be with someone you think is homely and someone you can’t stand to be with.  

Ephesians 3:20 (AMPC) says God’s plans for you are “superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think.” If that’s the case, then you should probably let God help you choose the right person to spend your life with. He loves you and wants you to enjoy your life. He’ll bring someone across your path that will not only compliment you and be a help and a strength to you, but also someone that you’ll be attracted to, enjoy being with, and who you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with! God’s just that good!  

The Take Away:

Start believing God and confessing His Word regarding your future spouse and marriage. Start speaking this: “Father, You’ve said in Your Word that he that finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor of the Lord. You also said that every good and perfect gift comes from You, and that You won’t withhold any good thing from those that walk uprightly. So, Father, I thank You that You’ve got a really good wife picked out for me. She’ll be above and beyond what I could have picked out for myself. And on the flip side, I’ll be someone that she thinks is above and beyond what she could have picked out for herself.” 

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Haste Makes Mistakes

When they’re young, a lot of guys have a tendency to get in a hurry and get married. 

Their hormones have kicked into high gear. They see someone they’re attracted to and immediately fall in love or think they’re in love. But before jumping into a lifelong commitment, some great advice to follow is Proverbs 19:2 (NLT), “Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.” 

Guys, if you want God’s best, then you might want to see what God’s Word has to say about what to look for in a wife before making an impulsive decision to commit your life to someone “till death do us part.” The fear of the Lord, or in other words, respecting and listening to what God has to say, is the beginning of wisdom, and it will bring length of days, riches, and honor (Proverbs 3:13, 16).  

So, if you want God’s best when it comes to who you should marry, you need to seek Him first, and go to His Word to get some direction. In the end, you’ll be glad you did!

The Take Away:

Take time to go to the Word of God and find out what it says about husbands, wives, marriage, and family. Start believing God and confessing His Word regarding your future spouse and marriage. Pray this: “Father, I thank You for the amazing wife You have for me. I pray that You lead, guide, and direct my steps and hers so that our paths cross. I thank you for the patience to wait and not get in a hurry and make a mistake. I hear Your voice I’m led by Your Spirit, and I’m confident that Your perfect will is going to be done in my life.”

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Willing to Change

Another characteristic you might want to consider in a potential spouse is their willingness and ability to change, especially when it comes to bad habits or even small quirks that seem to just annoy you. 

My wife and I used to joke and say, “A spouse is somebody anointed by the Holy Ghost to reveal character flaws in your life. It’s part of their job.” And, there is some truth to that. Our spouse can see things that we don’t and help us knock off rough edges and fine-tune areas that need some tweaking. If done in the right manner, it will be a blessing because couples can help each other grow and become better individuals. 

However, many people aren’t open to change. They have the attitude, This is who I am, so take me or leave me. I’m not going to change for you or anyone else. If you really love me, you’ll just accept me for who I am. But Proverbs 27:17 (KJV) says, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” 

A person who truly loves you will want to help you be the best “you” that you can be. It might not seem like it when they give you constructive criticism but love always seeks the best interests of others. So, if you trust them and know that they love you, you’ll understand that they’re not trying to hurt you; they’re trying to help you. Even God says the reason He corrects you is because He loves you and wants you to grow (ref. Hebrews 12:6 NLT).  

One of the best things you could have in life is someone who’ll be honest enough to tell you, “You know I love you and don’t want to hurt you, but there are some habits that are annoying. You really ought to think about changing this, especially if we’re going to spend a lifetime together.”  

The Take Away:

Are both you and the person you’re dating able to point out annoying habits and have a constructive conversation about those areas? Are you both willing to make adjustments and change as needed? However, make sure you’re not nitpicking and making mountains out of molehills. 

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Is He Sensitive to My Problems?

When you love someone, you’ll be sensitive to their problems and try to be an encouragement to them and help them through their difficulties. That’s how love works.

However, sometimes insensitivity can be a problem simply because men and women think differently. For example, many times men seem to blow off what a woman is worrying about simply because men don’t think the same way women do. It’s not necessarily that they don’t care, but a lot of times it’s because they just don’t worry about the same things. So, they wonder, Why is she worrying about that? It’s really not a big deal.  

But if you want to grow in your relationship, you have to realize this: My job is to help meet the needs of this individualThis problem is a big deal to this person, so I just need to show some compassion and understanding. I need to figure out how I can encourage them, ease their stress, and help them through this difficulty.  

Those kinds of actions are what will help fine-tune and grow a marriage relationship.  

The Take Away:

Does the man you’re dating ignore or lightly esteem the difficulties you go through? Does he take time to really listen to the things that you’re dealing with and give you encouragement, or does he just expect you to deal with them on your own because he doesn’t want to be bothered with your problems? Discuss how you can become more sensitive and engaged in helping each other with individual problems that arise.  

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Be With Someone Who Makes Life Enjoyable

A great quote that you might be familiar with reads, “I love people who make me laugh. I honesty think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.” (Audrey Hepburn) 

Ladies, if you’re going to spend your life with someone, make sure he’s someone you enjoy being with. Life can be depressing enough without being married to Mr. Depression or Mr. Worrywart. Yes, he needs to be a good provider, read his Bible, and be a spiritual leader, but you know, if you’re going to wake up next to this guy every morning, is he a fun person to be with? It’s good to be with someone who is a hard worker and responsible, but it’s also important to be able to enjoy life together.  

I believe God is a fun God. The Bible says that in His presence is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11) and that He sits in the heavens and laughs (Psalm 2:4). So, He has a sense of humor and is happy! God is not a depressed, angry, irritable workaholic. Jesus dealt with all kinds of problems when He lived on this planet, and yet He said, “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:30 KJV). So, as crazy, messed up, and chaotic as this world is, God is not walking around worried, burdened down, and carrying the weight of it on His shoulders. He’s happy, walking in joy, and full of laughter. 

The Bible says we’re to be imitators of God as dear children (Ephesians 5:1). So, that means you need to enjoy the life He’s given you. And if you’re going to do that, then the person you marry ought to be somebody who’s fun to be around and that you enjoy being with. 

The Take Away:

Make sure the person you choose to spend your life with is someone you love doing life with. Take a good look at the person you’re dating—do they make you laugh? What things do you have in common that you enjoy doing together just for fun? Life is more than working to pay bills and shouldering responsibilities. Those things are important, but God wants us to enjoy the life He’s given us and enjoy each other.  

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