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Beware of the Shouters, Yellers, and Screamers

You may want to think twice about marrying someone who constantly yells, shouts, and screams at you and who thinks that kind of behavior is normal, and they don’t need to change.

Being in a relationship with that type of person isn’t going to be easy. It’s hard to solve problems when you’re constantly having nose-to-nose confrontations.

That’s doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be passive, always backing down or ignoring controversial issues to avoid conflict. But you can learn to deal with issues in a civil manner without shouting and creating excessive drama. Proverbs 31:25-26 talks about being clothed with strength and dignity, speaking words of wisdom, and giving instruction with kindness. First Corinthians 13:4-5 talks about love being patient, kind, and not easily angered. Those are the characteristics we need to have working in our lives, and that’s what our “normal” behavior is supposed to look like. 

Nobody is perfect, but a prerequisite to having a successful relationship is a willingness to change. Just something to think about as you’re looking for that special person to spend the rest of your life with. 

The Take Away:

If you’re in a serious dating relationship with someone who shouts, yells, and screams at you, you might want to think twice about whether you want to live with that the rest of your life. People can change, but they have to realize that change is necessary and then be willing to do whatever is necessary to make that change happen.  

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Being Financially Responsible

Financial irresponsibility can be a big problem in marriage.

It’s important to have some business sense and understand how money works. Both the husband and wife need to be on the same page when it comes to tithing, giving offerings, spending, saving, credit card debt, and financial goals. 

Guys, having a wife that knows how to handle money will be a big blessing to you. Proverbs 31:16-18, 24 talks about a virtuous woman who looks for good property investments and buys them. Then with her earnings, she plants a vineyard, or in other words, you could say she reinvests her earnings in order to make more profit. It says that she works vigorously and sees that her trading is profitable. She has a clothing business where she makes garments and sells them and supplies the merchants with sashes. She’s also gives to the poor and needy.

This woman has some business savvy. She’s not ignorant about money and knows how to handle finances. She knows how to make a profit, but she also knows how to give. She knows where her money is and what it’s doing, and because she manages it well, she doesn’t worry about the future. 

The Take Away:

Make sure money and finances are areas that you discuss with your potential spouse. Does the person you’re dating handle their finances responsibly? Do they overspend and live beyond their means, racking up credit card dept and bouncing checks? Do they know how to balance their checkbook? Do they tithe? Do they have a saving account and are they disciplined enough to contribute to it regularly?  

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Do Your Best to Look Your Best

Generally when people start dating, they put their best foot forward. 

They pay a great deal of attention to their appearance and take the time to clean up and spruce themselves up as they’re getting to know one another.

Then after some time passes, they start thinking, They love me just for who I am. I don’t need to try and impress them. Familiarity kicks in, and they don’t feel the need to keep themselves up the way they used to. But the truth is that person you’re dating or married to does take notice, and they appreciate when you keep yourself looking attractive.

Proverbs 31:21-23 talks about how the virtuous woman clothes herself in silk and purple. In other words, she keeps herself attractive and dresses well. This scripture is not talking about a single woman who’s dating; it’s talking about a wife and mother. Not only does she keep up her appearance, but she also makes sure her family is dressed well. It says her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 

So, when it comes to dating and marriage, appearance isn’t the only factor to consider, but is an important factor. You should be attracted to the person you end up marrying. Now, not every guy is going to look like Mr. G.Q., and not every woman is going to look like Miss. America, but everyone should do their best to look their best. 

The Take Away:

Does the person you’re considering marrying take care of themselves and do their best to look their best?  Or, are there areas that have slipped by the wayside due to familiarity? If those areas bother you now, they will definitely bother you after you’re married. So, don’t be afraid to bring them up and discuss them.  

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Generosity Never Goes Out of Style

Have you ever noticed that selfishness never looks good on anyone?

It’s difficult to be around someone who is constantly self-absorbed. Everything is about “I, I, I” and “me, me, me.” What I can get. What I can do. What’s happening with me. And what others should be doing for me

On the flip-side, have you ever noticed how refreshing it is to be around someone who is generous? Their conversation is filled with, “How are you? What’s happening in your life? What can I do for you?” You go to lunch with them and almost have to wrestle them to the ground in order to pay for the meal because they want to cover the tab. They’re constantly thinking about how they can give to others, what they can do for others, and how they can bless someone else’s life.  

Generosity is a great trait to look for in a potential spouse. Proverbs 31:20 (AMPC) talks about the virtuous woman and says, “She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy [whether in body, mind, or spirit].”  

In other words, she’s not a selfish woman, only thinking about herself and her family. Even though she works hard to make sure her family is taken care of, she’s also aware and cognizant of those people around her who are in need, and she does something about it. She reaches out with full hands to help others.  

A word to the wise for all the single men who are looking for a spouse, generosity is an accessory that you’ll want your future wife to have, and it will never go out of style!

The Take Away:

Guys, if you’re single and considering getting married, look for someone who is a giver and who’s not selfish, someone who thinks about others and is a cheerful giver—not just of money but also of time and resources.  

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Considerate of Others

The word “courteous” means “marked by respect for and consideration of others.”

This is a great quality to possess and also look for in a potential spouse.  

People who are courteous keep appointments and show up on time. If plans change, they call to let the other party know. Having “company manners” doesn’t just apply to business situations. 

We need to always be courteous to those closest to us no matter how familiar we are with them. There’s a saying, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” That means the more familiar we are with someone the less we tend to show respect and politeness toward them. However, just because we know someone well doesn’t mean we quit being courteous and showing good manners. 

Courtesy needs to be part of our character. It’s a way to show respect for others, both in our business dealings and in our personal life with our spouse, family, and friends.  

The Take Away:

A good marriage functions on mutual respect for one another. Common courtesy and politeness are qualities to esteem in a potential spouse, and they should never wane in a marriage relationship. If they start to decline, then you can be assured that your respect for one another has declined as well. 

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She’s Not Afraid of Hard Work

The Bible talks about the virtuous woman who works willingly with her hands (Proverbs 31:13). 

She gets up early in the morning, while it’s still dark outside, to get breakfast ready for her family (Proverbs 31:15). She’ll sacrifice her sleep to take care of the needs of her husband and children. Her lamp burns late into the night (Proverbs 31:18).

In other words, she isn’t lazy and negligent toward her family and home. She doesn’t sleep in and let the kids try to fend for themselves to get ready and eat breakfast before they go to school. She doesn’t kick back all day long watching Netflix while the dishes stack up in the sink, and the laundry pile begins to look like Mount Everest. 

She’s the first one up in the morning and the last one in bed at night, working diligently to take care of her family, manage her home, and even run her own business. 

She’s industrious, selfless, focused, and manages her family and business responsibilities well. Bottom line, she isn’t afraid of the word “WORK.” Being graceful and gracious are wonderful attributes, but being a hard worker and diligent are prerequisites to building and providing for a family.

The Take Away:

As you’re looking for a wife, make sure to check and see what kind of work ethic she has. Does she have a good reputation at work for being a good, conscientious worker? Does she handle her home responsibilities well, like keeping her house maintained, paying her bills on time, and keeping finances in order? How well she handles responsibilities now will be the way she handles them after she gets married.

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Someone Who’ll Do You Good All of Your Days

Have you ever gone out with another couple and the other guy’s date starts making sarcastic comments about him, criticizing him, and cutting him down in front of you and your date?

It’s not a pretty sight. It’s awkward and does not make for a fun evening.  

You can be sure if she constantly treats him like that while they’re dating, then if they ever get married, she will continue treating him that way.  

Bottom line, it shows lack of respect, esteem, and honor. Guys, that’s not the kind of woman you want to marry. You don’t want to take someone like that to a Fourth of July picnic, only to have her start cutting you down in front of all your friends. You want to marry someone who’ll respect you and show you honor in front of others.  

You want to marry someone you can trust, believe in, and rely on, and who’ll respect and honor you. Someone who’ll be an encourager, a comforter, and who’ll do you only good and not evil all the days of your life. The Bible says that kind of woman is “far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls” (Proverbs 31:10 AMPC). 

The Take Away:

Take note of how the woman you’re dating treats you in front of others. Does she respect you and speak highly of you to others? Or, does she criticize and humiliate you in front of your peers? She may call it “joking around” and doesn’t realize it’s disrespectful and doesn’t promote a healthy relationship. 

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More Than Just a Pretty Face

When looking for a spouse, a few questions that you might want to have high on the list are: Does she have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?

Does she go to church? Does she read the Bible on her own and not just when she’s at church? Does she value the power of prayer?  

Proverbs talks about charm being deceptive and beauty not lasting, but “a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30 NIV). In other words, is the woman you’re considering marrying as attractive on the inside as she may be on the outside? Are there fruit of the spirit evident in her life—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control? (ref. Galatians 5:22-23) 

First Peter chapter three talks about how beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. But it should be that of a woman’s inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight (1 Peter 3:3-4 NLT). There’s no doubt that the outward appearance is important, and you need to be attracted to the person you marry, but God says what is on the inside is incredibly valuable to Him and is to be praised and honored.  

Men, a woman who has a solid relationship with God and possesses a spiritual strength that manifests in a gentle and quiet spirit is the type of woman who will be a big asset to you and help you become all God wants you to be.  

The Take Away:

Take time to really get to know the person you’re going to marry. Make sure they’re more than just a pretty face and that they have a true relationship with God and an inner beauty that reflects the fruit of the spirit. 

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Managing the Home

When making a list of what to look for in the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, an important quality to consider might be how well does she keep and manage her home? 

In our society, women who aren’t employed outside of the home and who are strictly homemakers are sometimes devalued, and the role of taking care of the home is downplayed. However, Titus 2:5 (KJV) lists one of the qualifications of mature women as being “keepers at home.” In other words, they k now how to manage and keep up their homes and families.  

As you’re looking for a potential spouse, you might want to find out if she keeps her home organized and maintained. Is it a place that is peaceful, relaxing, cheerful, and attractive? Or is it cluttered, unclean, and uninviting? These things may not be important to some men, but if they are to you and you’re looking for a wife who’s a good homemaker, then these are some practical, common sense things you might want to think about. 

The Take Away:

Is having a well-run, well-cared for, attractive, peaceful home important to you? What type of home atmosphere do you desire to have?  Would you rather marry someone whose desire is to strictly be a stay-at-home mom and homemaker, versus someone who is career-minded? These are questions that would be good discussion with someone you may be considering as your future wife. 

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Can She Control Her Tongue?

The Word of God has a lot to say about what to look for in a wife.

First Timothy chapter three gives some specific characteristics of a leader’s wife and says, “[The] women likewise must be worthy of respect and serious, not gossipers, but temperate and self-controlled, [thoroughly] trustworthy in all things” (1 Timothy 3:11 AMPC).  

This is a good checklist for any man to have who’s considering getting married. Also, make sure that the person you marry is someone who is able to control their tongue. It’ll make a big difference in your marriage. The Bible talks about how a perfect man [or woman] is a peaceful man [or woman] (Psalm 37:37 KJV, brackets inserted by author). And then it goes on to say that a perfect man or woman is somebody who is able to control their tongue. They don’t offend anyone with their speech or say the wrong things. If they’re able to control their tongue, then they’re able to control their whole body because the tongue is the hardest thing to control (ref. James 3:2 AMPC).  

So, when you’re considering what type of woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want to consider someone who is able to control their tongue and doesn’t just say everything that hits their brain. Having self-control and not being a gossip are great qualities to look for in a spouse.  

The Take Away:

Take notice of the words spoken by the person you’re dating. Are they words that encourage and bring life and healing, or are they words of complaining, strife, and gossip? Death and life are in the power of the tongue, so you might want to take notice of what that person’s words are producing.  

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