The primary building block of any relationship is good communication skills. When it comes to having a great marriage, communication skills are imperative. 

As a matter of fact, the “lack of communication” is listed as one of the top reasons for divorce. That fact alone tells us that this is an area that needs to be worked on and constantly developed.


In talking about marriage, it’s important to realize that great marriages don’t just happen. Great marriages are built. Ephesians 5:23-25 talks about marriage as being a mirror image of the relationship between Jesus Christ and His Church. In Matthew 16:18 Jesus didn’t say He would find a church. He said He would build one.

That same principle applies to marriage. You don’t find a good marriage. It doesn’t just magically happen. You and your spouse have to build it. And one of the most important tools in that building process is learning how to communicate.


We’re all familiar with the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” However, nothing could be further from the truth. Words can hurt and cause irrevocable damage. James 3:5-6 (MSG) says, “A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it! It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it….” Words are powerful. They can be the spark that starts the fire of a misunderstanding, a fight, or an affair. Or they can build relationships by generating laughter, joy, and restoration. It all starts with words.


If you’ll listen to someone long enough, you’ll know what’s in their heart. Matthew 12:35 (NKJV) says, “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things.” Proverbs 4:23 (KJV) tells us, “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

Just because a thought hits your brain doesn’t mean it should come out of your mouth. When speaking to a stranger it might be easier to choose your words more carefully than when speaking to your spouse. With a stranger, you’ll try to be polite, but with your spouse, oftentimes you just unload and say whatever comes to mind. However, let’s not forget that, second to Jesus, our relationship with our spouse is the most intimate, precious relationship we have on this earth.


Choose your words carefully.



We’ve covered the foundational elements of communication in marriage here, but if you’d like to take the next step and learn why couples fight, download this month’s FREE MP3 – Why Couples Fight.




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