Marriage is the process of two different people – two opposites, becoming one.

That means we each bring our own opinions to the table. With that, it can be easy to want to “retrain” our spouse to think more like we do, but that’s not always a good idea.



When we first got married I tried to retrain Denise. She loved Pepsi. I loved Coke. She liked Tide detergent. I liked Cheer. She rolled the toilet paper under. I rolled it over. I thought I was trying to help her, so I’d bring her Coke when she was thirsty and buy Tide at the grocery store. Then one day we were driving in the car and I was praying about something in my life that wasn’t going the way I wanted it to. All of a sudden, I heard in my spirit, “Your wife likes Pepsi.”

I thought, What does that have to do with anything?
But then I heard it again. “Your wife likes Pepsi.”
I thought, God, are you talking to me?

Then I heard this: “I’m not answering your prayer because you’re rude to your wife. She likes Pepsi.”

The next town we came to, I pulled the car into a parking lot of a shopping center, and I repented right there. I said, “Honey, I need to repent. From now on we’re going to be a Pepsi family. I’m not drinking another Coca-Cola as long as I live.”

Now, my reaction and decision was based on my own situation and personality, but the idea is the same no matter who you are. The point is to assess where you may be preferring your own self over your spouse.

Real love focuses on serving not taking. “What can I do for you? What do you need? How can I help you?” You do it when you feel like it, and when you don’t. That’s what makes a marriage last.



Don’t try to retrain your spouse to be like you. Be conscious of their likes and dislikes. When they mention something they like, write it down. Make it a practice to prefer your spouse over yourself.

Download the FIVE-YEAR-PLAN for couples.


The Lilypad





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