One of the top reasons given for divorce is the lack of communication. Communication is a skill that you have to learn, it’s not something you are born with.
A good talker doesn’t automatically make a good communicator.
Marriage is a mirror of Jesus Christ and the church- He didn’t find a church, He built one. You don’t find a good marriage, you build one.
One of the most important tools in the building process is learning how to communicate.
All misunderstandings, fights, and affairs start with words, but on the flip side – all laughter, joy, and restoration start with words.
WORDS REVEAL THE HEART
What the Word Says:
Matthew 12:35 A good man out of the good treasure of the heart, bringeth forth good things and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. (NKJ)
Proverbs 4:23 Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life. (KJV)
Just because a thought hits your brain doesn’t mean it should come out of your mouth. It can be easy to end up giving more thought to your words with a stranger than a spouse- with a stranger you try to be polite, but with a spouse, you can just unload.
Let’s not forget that second to Jesus, our relationship with our spouse is the most intimate, precious relationship we have on this earth.
Speak Slow, Speak Soft
James 1:19- Wherefore, my beloved bretheren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. (KJV)
Avoid Offensive Words
Proverbs 5:28- The heart of the righteous studieth to answer, but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things.
*Also see James 3:2
DEVELOPING YOUR CONVERSATION SKILLS
Talking comes pretty easily, but communicating is a skill we have to develop- and it’s a growing process.
1) When you don’t know where to begin, look for common ground.
2) Don’t try to do all the talking.
3) Avoid rhetorical questions (If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a sarcastic question)
4) Be a good listener. Good listeners- do not interrupt when others are speaking, do not space out, they keep their eye on the person speaking and they respond to the feelings of the speaker and show it on their face.
5) Don’t fail to comment on what’s being said- the “Conversation Wheel” is —ask, listen, comment.
SETTING GOALS TOGETHER
Now that we’ve covered the laws of communication, it’s time to start learning what to talk about.
Subjects to discuss: spiritual life, vocations, money, children, roles, in-laws, sex, leisure, friends, hobbies, home, education.
Proverbs 16:3;9 says:
Commit your works to the Lord Praying
He will establish your hearts Thinking
Man makes his plans Planning
The Lord orders his steps Steps
When two or more get together, the Word says God is there. The Word also tells us the power of two in agreement- when you get together as a couple and pray, putting God in remembrance of His Word you’ll be amazed at the results.
THE TAKE AWAY
Don’t be afraid to roll your sleeves up and be willing to learn when it comes to communication. Just because it doesn’t come easily, doesn’t mean it won’t come. Take it one day at a time. Be quick to repent and quick to forgive.